he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Randomize
