I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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