forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
