Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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