my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
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