i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
