My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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