Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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