dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
