I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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