I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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