he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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