no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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