I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Life without a bra equals bliss.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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