My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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