So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
