C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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