Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
