Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
