Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
