Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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