yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
