Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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