Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
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He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
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this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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