he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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