you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
