I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
