Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
