she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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