I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
