fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
