Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
whose parrot is this?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
