Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
