Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
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It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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