I puked a lego.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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