Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
