I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
