my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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