I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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