From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
