you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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