I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
