Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
