I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
