i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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