My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
