When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
