Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
