Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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