He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
NoShamevember. You game?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
