i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize