Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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