omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
