Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
