sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
