you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
