If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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