Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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