I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
