Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
