he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
