it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
