Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
