does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
