He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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