yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
