Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
