Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
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