So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
