My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
