She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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