im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
