Texts From Last Night

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  (317): View more from Indiana

  you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.

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  (317): you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american. http://tfl.nu/y2yd
  Replies (24) Good night (6477) Bad night (1235)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..

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  (561): My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis.. http://tfl.nu/qf8b
  Replies (43) Good night (709) Bad night (6278)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...

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  (313): Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this... http://tfl.nu/lox2
  Replies (10) Good night (771) Bad night (4426)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  you mean i was at the winter classic?

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  (617): you mean i was at the winter classic? http://tfl.nu/ck5g
  Replies (39) Good night (5331) Bad night (724)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...

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  (708): For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night... http://tfl.nu/rl66
  Replies (9) Good night (3340) Bad night (812)
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  (607): View more from New York

  do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand

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  (607): do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand http://tfl.nu/6yen
  Replies (21) Good night (3529) Bad night (1072)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.

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  (715): She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar. http://tfl.nu/6ko7
  Replies (2) Good night (1590) Bad night (925)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.

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  (253): Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real. http://tfl.nu/8edz
  Replies (7) Good night (2519) Bad night (824)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."

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  (208): It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate." (1-208): My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time." http://tfl.nu/9ozo
  Replies (3) Good night (1114) Bad night (520)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think

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  (410): That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think http://tfl.nu/xmfy
  Replies (1) Good night (671) Bad night (407)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.

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  (303): Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair. http://tfl.nu/ft15
  Replies (5) Good night (776) Bad night (344)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  You said dick pics aren't attractive

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3

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  (240): You said dick pics aren't attractive (301): Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3 http://tfl.nu/0mk5
  Replies (4) Good night (1046) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you

  (1+44): View more from

  Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause

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  (+44): This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you (1+44): Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause http://tfl.nu/oxqa
  Replies (3) Good night (923) Bad night (244)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it

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  (316): Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it http://tfl.nu/i3st
  Replies (5) Good night (1236) Bad night (312)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.

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  (517): Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line. http://tfl.nu/nb9z
  Replies (1) Good night (434) Bad night (394)

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