Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
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I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
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She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.