just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
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Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
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His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.