I got chris browned last night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.