just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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