i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?