Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(828): View more from North Carolina

can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.

(919): View more from North Carolina

wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!

(828): View more from North Carolina

i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.

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(828): can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later. (919): wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here! (828): i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa. http://tfl.nu/e72d

Replies (2) Good night (1050) Bad night (892)
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(702): View more from Nevada

I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.

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(702): I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know. http://tfl.nu/ro3k

Replies (68) Good night (9588) Bad night (1009)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.

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(608): The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries. http://tfl.nu/yhvv

Replies (12) Good night (6567) Bad night (946)
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(925): View more from California

I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows

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(925): I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows http://tfl.nu/02lq

Replies (9) Good night (4023) Bad night (821)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'

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(778): No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain' http://tfl.nu/2rma

Replies (28) Good night (1783) Bad night (7794)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge

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(828): then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge http://tfl.nu/hh8c

Replies (10) Good night (4261) Bad night (1274)
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(910): View more from North Carolina

He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.

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(910): He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work. http://tfl.nu/wbkv

Replies (18) Good night (5895) Bad night (1349)
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(520): View more from Arizona

I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.

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(520): I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special. http://tfl.nu/erlc

Replies (8) Good night (3589) Bad night (589)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.

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(307): i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears. http://tfl.nu/ndjg

Replies (5) Good night (1425) Bad night (391)
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(720): View more from Colorado

I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.

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(720): I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry. http://tfl.nu/lrky

Replies (2) Good night (1372) Bad night (392)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.

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(717): Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards. http://tfl.nu/kyyg

Replies (2) Good night (727) Bad night (338)
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(260): View more from Indiana

Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.

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(260): Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way. http://tfl.nu/aiad

Replies (3) Good night (387) Bad night (538)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman

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(630): I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman http://tfl.nu/cwps

Replies (3) Good night (507) Bad night (460)
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(850): View more from Florida

she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...

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(850): she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top... http://tfl.nu/vvwb

Replies (3) Good night (232) Bad night (664)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO

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(717): AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO http://tfl.nu/2gy7

Replies (2) Good night (638) Bad night (168)

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