Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
